Past, Present, Future (Emo post)
February 7, 2008
Because I seperated it so that your Chinese New Year mood won’t get ruined or something. XD;
Anyways, caution. Emo post about my life ahead. Read if you dare to ruin your mood about something, or just laugh away at me. I don’t know. It’s preety emo though. ^^;Okay, a few minutes before I go. My IM services don’t let me connect for a reason, so I guess I’ll be writing here to pass the time. This morning, got another nightmare to scare me again. I don’t know, these things usually come like… what, 3 times a week? Maybe more.
Sometimes, do you feel that there’s this feel of death around you, or feel like shattering into pieces sometimes? I usually have that lately. I have a lot in my mind, really. And it’s not just me. Heck, it really involves everyone, lols. D: A friend says I think about things that aren’t really there. =_=
Heck, when I’m not on IM or not doing anything, I just tend to think about these kind of stuff. And I think alot during sleep. And bath. Bleh. D:
List of stuff I think about alot.
- Am I doing anything good for family?
- Am I doing my part to get a bright future?
- Am I supporting my brother right?
- Does my looks place more importance than my personality after all?
- Will my mother let go of the past, and she can be happy?
- Will my friends just go away from me if I keep telling my problems?
- Does anyone actually like me being like this?
- Why don’t I even care about my looks for a bit?
- Will my friends ever stab me from the back one day?
- Do I worry too much about my friends?
- Am I too selfless or just too selfish?
- Can I go to college? If I couldn’t, how can I support anyone?
- Will my dream ever come true now?
- If I ask anyone if I’m bothering them, and they said no, were they just saying that so that I could feel better?
- Is there something I should really tell my friends, but I couldn’t?
- I do love the people around me, but how can I help them?
- My friends are supporting me, but am I actually doing the same?
- How can I repay my family when I grow up?
- Are those people back at the orphanages having a nice life after having no parents since they were small?
- Is my personality towards other people going to help me in the future? What if an accident happens involving it?
And… the rest are just private things I rather not talk about. =_=; Yeah, I got alot in my mind and all. Thinking and such. And I done things which are… I don’t know, useful or weird? I ended up cleaning my friend’s room once when I was waiting for him without his permission.
Anyways, on lighter news, I have been playing Ragnarok Online and such, and I decided to make my first skin, which is CLANNAD, an animation series. I finished about 45% of it, really. Shown it to some friends how the skin is so far too. :3 Have yet to see if I wanted to show it here though. XD;
Entry Filed under: IRL Stuff. .
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1.
Deline | February 9, 2008 at 7:55 am
Oh, Mei. You really, really are a sweet girl. I admire you for such words and I don’t think you should shame yourself to think they are bad/emo thoughts. You are just concerned for people you love, and that shows a part of your strength and weakness as well. Don’t let it drag you down but instead turn to your hope and reason to live and enjoy life to. To think that this is your goal basis, it just needs a bit of time and thoughts before you can fully decide. You are young, the world is big… Slowly you will discover what you should. Just keep believing in yourself and never give up, Mei. But if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it…
2.
chibileon | February 9, 2008 at 8:47 am
Thanks, Sis Del. You’re really a great person yourself. ^-^
The help part… is the only problem which I will have so far. Because the moment I want to ask for help, I’m afraid it will be like “What if they’re doing something important? Then I bother them? Better not…” or “I don’t want to waste his/her time. I can do this.” and something like that. =_=; It appears in my head almost all the time.
Anyways, thanks, dear, for the advice. ^_^ <3 *hug*
3.
Elnoir | February 25, 2008 at 12:22 am
I usually think like that too. I don’t want to burden other people with my problems, particularly if they’re already burdened with their own. Still, I want to help them in any way I can. I serve as an outlet to them. It’s alright for me to let them share their own problems, but not the other way around. That’s because I want to do my best for them. I’m yet to learn how to share my own problems to friends though, because I’m used to dealing with problems single-handedly.
The key to all of those thinking about your past, present and future is to just do your best in everything you do. If you do your part, you shouldn’t be worrying about what other people think. What matters is you did what you know is right. It’s up to them after you did your part.
Am I actually making sense here? Lol.